


The One With The Pajama Heist

by AnonymouslyDead



Category: Batman - Fandom
Genre: Arguments, F/F, Museum Heist - Freeform, Pajama onesies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-21 04:14:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonymouslyDead/pseuds/AnonymouslyDead
Summary: Harley just wants to have a night out at the art museum with her girls. Spoiler: it doesn’t work out.





	The One With The Pajama Heist

Selina zipped down on a rope from the skyline, flipped, and then landed with a flourish on what she knew was the only clear spot on the viewing room floor. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a handful of baby powder. With a huff, she blew the powder around her, revealing grids of red lasers lining the floor around massive realism paintings. Now that they were visible, Selina maneuvered her way with practiced ease to the museum’s security room just outside the room.

Unfortunately, there’s a guard waiting inside, bent over the surveillance console displaying different sections of the empty museum. Selina froze in fear before the man let out a particularly loud snore. Selina relaxed a little, letting herself slink right behind the man. She grabbed ever so gently ahold of the man’s not eck before-

Whack!

Selina raised the man’s head only to smack it hard into the table. The man collapsed to the ground now in a much deeper sleep. Selena would have to do something about him later, but for now, she let her clawed hands dance across the console’s keys, typing in the system’s shut down sequence that she knew by heart. With a snap of the enter key, the whole room went dark.

“It’s all clear!” Selina called out as she exited the room. Vines and leaves immediately sprouted from the skyline she came in, spreading like a virus across the ceiling before cascading downward in a massive tangle. This tangle deposited Pamela and Harley on the floor before receding back up into the ceiling to spread further.

Harley immediately bounded out from her ride to rush up to the paintings. The velvet ropes protecting the paintings were hopped over in order for her to get an in-depth look. She ran her fingertips over the detailed brushstrokes that made up a huge bowl of fruit.

“Ehh.” Harley scrunched up her face at the painting before turning her back to it. “You’ve robbed one art museum. You’ve robbed them all.” Harley crossed the velvet ropes again, this time going through them and knocking them to the floor with a clatter. “Who the hell thinks this is art anyway?”

“Elitist aristocrats who think that the destruction of the rainforests and the pollution of natural waterways are worth a 12x8 canvas of human shit.” Pamela deadpanned. She clinched her fist as if to make her point. The building around them groaned and trembled as the vines above them tightened. Harley and Selina jumped in shock, dodging small chunks of the building falling in on them.

“Red, babe. We’re still inside!” Harley cried. Pamela looked at her offended.

“You’d think I’d crush you two?” Pamela asked. She snapped her fingers, and plants snaked over to them, quickly knitting a protective casing around them.

“That’s not the point, Pam! You’re going to destroy everything inside.” Selina said frowning.

Pamela raised an eyebrow. “And, what of it?”

“There’s millions of dollars worth of art here! Are you kidding?” Selina yelled.

“Come on, Ives. This isn’t what I mean when I suggested we go break into the art museum.” Harley said. There’s another snap, and their plant encasements melted away.

“And, what exactly did you mean?” Pamela asked, crossing her arms.

“You know! I thought it could be a couple’s trip!” Harley threw her hands up. “I thought we could get some of that fancy art gallery coffee-“

“-Made by murdering rainforests for farmland.” Pamela added in.

“Take in some of Gotham’s culture.”

“What culture?” Selina asked. Harley growled.

“You two aren’t even listening!”

“Hun, I do listen, and I know you just want to deface Harvey’s campaign installation.” Pamela said, giving her a look.

“He has it coming!” Harley pointed at Pamela. “I wanted to run for mayor, too, but can I? No! Because I have a “criminal history” and “violent tendencies” Harley scoffed. Pamela continued to give her a look. “I do not!” Harley insisted.

“Do you ladies want to wait around for Bats or do you want to get filthy rich?” Selina called down at them from her perch, holding onto the top frame of a huge historical portrait. She took her claws and cut through the canvas like butter. She dropped down to the floor, and she continued, cutting out the bottom half of the frame before repeating the process on the opposite side. A loose canvas fluttered to the ground where Selina made quick work of folding it up.

“No! I didn’t make us new costumes just to rob a bank!” Harley crossed her arms and pouted.

“You’re just going to sit, and do nothing then?” Selina asked. She moved on to scaling another painting.

“Well, what’s the point?” Harley said. She let herself fall so that she sat on the floor. She rest her head against her palms. “Might as well let Batsy take me now.”

Theres a metallic clatter as a canister fell. It rolled for a second before spewing gray smoke across the room. There's a familiar rustle of fabric as a dark shape dropped in along with another. 

"Aw, damn it, Harley." Selina groaned. 

As the smoke cleared, Batman and Robin stood before them. They stood at ready with weapons at hand. However before they could launch into an attack, they paused. Selina, Pamela, and Harley froze, afraid that the wrong move would set the two into an attack.

It's Robin who finally broke the silence. "Why are you all in pajamas?"

The three looked between each other. Each had a onesie on themed after their personas: Pamela had a plantlike onesie with a venus flytrap for a head, Selina had a standard cat onesie with her clawed gloves on underneath, and Harley had a version of her usual jester costume made in soft fleece. Selina and Pamela looked at each other, silently trying to think of a way to explain Harley's insistence on the outfit or the fact that they actually agreed without getting an actual laugh from Batman. 

Except, Harley beat them to it.

"Why aren't you in a onesie?" Harley shot back. When she only got back a confused look from Robin and a weary look from Batman, Harley tutted. "Did you forget that it's National Pajama Day? For shame, Bats."

"It's National Pajama Day?" Robin asked.

"No, it's not." Batman sighed as if he was so near his limit for the day.

"Yeah huh! Check a calender, Batbrain!" Harley bit out.

"I didn't know it was Pajama Day. I would've wore my ducky pajamas." Robin said excited. Harley joined in, squealing over the image. Then, he looked up at Batman. "Can we go change? Please, Batdad?"

"Son, we're in the middle of stopping a crime." Batman protested, but Robin hit him with his huge puppy dog eyes. Batman visibly struggled against it before slowly letting out a sigh. "Alright, you little scamp." Batman ruffled Robin's hair, giving a little smile. That smile anished when he looked back up at the villains. "Do not move. We will be back momentarily in proper attire." 

"Ahuh." Harley nodded with a smile. But as soon as Batman turned his back, Harley's eyes went wide. She gestured frantically for them to run.

*******************************************************

"You know, a cool mil isn't anything to scoff at." Selina said hours later while they were resting on the couch of their newest hideout. Well, Pamela and Harley were. Selina was sprawled out over the two's lap, letting one of her many stacks of ill gotten cash slide through her claws. "Who knew art was actually good for something?"

"And, this coffee actually isn't bad." Pamela said, taking a sip from her cup. "Stopping by the museum cafe was a good idea. Plus, it has eco-friendy sourced beans and recycled cups." Pamela patted her chest. "A company after my own heart."

"Aww." Harley let her head fall against Pamela's shoulder smiling. "I'm glad you both had a good time." Harley knocked back the hood of Selina's onesie to run a hand through her hair. Selina's focus snapped from her money quickly to push against Harley's hand. Harley giggled, watching Selina bask in the attention.

"We're just sorry you went through all this trouble just for us to fight." Pamela said.

Harley shrugged. "Ehh, you two can just plan out the next Pajama Day Heist." 


End file.
